Old Friends

I spent the past weekend with 4 of the 5 women I very fondly know as The Joyner Girls. We know each other by this name and we are proud of it. We all met over 30 years ago at Joyner Dorm at UNC-Chapel Hill. We were fond buddies then, we are steadfast, lifetime friends now. As one of them said last year, "Ya'll are part of my retirement plan!" The meaning being, we will be there for each other--always.

I went to be with them because we had a chance to all be together, but I also went there because I needed a reminder that I am loved and valued by others. And they did that. They always do. I had started to doubt recently that I was of much value to the person I had allowed to be close to me, after she had started to take me for granted. It is a sad thing to open your heart to someone else, only to find that you are nothing so special to that person after all.

So it was off to North Carolina for some cold beer and some healing. It amazes me still that we Joyner girls can see each other only a few times a year and pick up conversations as if we had just gotten interrupted a moment before. That is the mark of true friends.

Once Again

Here we go again. The Democrats roll over, the President rolls over and the nasty, greedy Republicans win. The Tea Party wins, which is the most nauseating thing of all. I know this happens because generally Democrats are nicer, kinder people. But they're also PUSSIES!!! They've never met an issue they couldn't feel ambivalent about, when it comes to standing up for it. They don't know how to fight! They don't know how to stand by their principles when it really matters.

I know every progressive is feeling sick tonight, but I think this might be a deal breaker for me. I think I might have to consider voting for someone else in the next Presidential election. I can't support Obama right now and I can't proudly say I am a Democrat. I am ashamed of them.

I wish I'd voted for Hillary.

It's been a while

Been a while since I wrote. The last time I wrote it was about the Tea Party. I didn't know then (no one did) that they would turn into a gang of thugs that would hold the American economy hostage. Today we are on the brink of losing our credit rating and defaulting on our obligations. All because a group of uninformed idealogues wants to shrink government--noble idea, bad timing and bad execution. I am sitting here watching the markets slide, knowing that my life savings may go up in smoke all because idiots like Joe Walsh and Michele Bachman and their ilk want to impose their ideas for America on the vast majority of Americans who don't want their ideas. I don't think it's too much of a stretch to suggest that if people start losing their savings, jobs, homes, etc because of these people, that they will have targets on their backs--and I'm not speaking metaphorically. There could be real anger in the streets on this one.

But I also come back to the fact that no one ever did this to any other president. The debt ceiling has always been passed. Why is it happening to this President? Because the desire to defeat him is so acidic, so venomous that it overrules logic and clear thinking. Very sad and very scary.

The Unspoken Tea Party Cause

What are those people so mad about? So scared about? Socialism? Communism? Government takeover of health care? I don't think so.

Its easy to take the liberal angle and see this as a racist agenda--lots of white people coming out of the woodwork to protest the black President. I think its slightly more subtle than that. I think what this is about is the last hurrah for the white man. I think white people (and I'm talking about those people who identify by race as a crucial part of their identity) have slowly come to the realization that they are about to become a minority group in this country. The election of a black man and the elevation of a "wise latina" to the Supreme Court are bitter reminders to whitey that his world is changing, that he is no longer in charge.

Is it any wonder that the party of the white man and big business has courted this hateful fringe? Big business is one of the last bastions of white power, especially for white men. So it makes sense that many of the so-called Tea Partiers are middle to upper income. They are not all dumb hicks. Many are well off whites who have theirs and are fearful of losing it. But they are especially fearful of losing it to people of color. Tea Partiers talk at rallies about propping up big business because they think it will be the salvation of white people. They may talk a good anti-government line, but really--does anyone really believe that anti-big government people were silent when we invaded a sovereign nation and killed 100,000+ people without just cause and have found their voices only when we're threatened with something like (gasp) health insurance coverage for almost everyone? Please!

There will be a day, long after we are all dead and gone, when most people are of mixed race, and it will be a novelty for someone to be only one race, kind of like the rare kid nowadays who comes from a two parent family. Maybe then we'll worry about things that really matter and bigots will be a thing of the past. Too bad we won't be here to see it.

This Is What Is Wrong With Our Country

Joe Wilson (R-SC) demonstrated what is at the core of our nation's ills--a loss of civility. He called the President a liar in the middle of arguably the most important speech for the nation in recent times. It demonstrates a number of things to me: 1)Republicans are falling back on the old strategy of lying repeatedly until people believe the lie is the truth. 2)They are mean spirited, 3) They have no interest in bipartisanship, 4) They cannot stomach President Obama's victory because they cannot help but associate it with their defeat.

I don't recall any Democrat heckling Bush when he DID lie to Congress repeatedly. They sat quietly, respectfully, even though they vehemently disgreed with the President. Perhaps liberals are just nicer--some would argue, to a fault.

Why ARE Republicans so mean and nasty?

Why I'm Quitting Facebook

Okay, I'll admit it--it was fun at the beginning to see what friends and family were doing and exchanging little one liners and cute comments with people. It was fun to play the word games with our neighbors and see how close I could come to competing with their knowledge base (the short answer is: not very). And it was great seeing pictures that people had posted of themselves and their lives.

Then came the quizzes that were--again--initially interesting and almost enlightening. What 5 dead people would you like to meet, what place would you like to visit, live, etc. Gradually they have deteriorated into ridiculous wastes of time--what Harry Potter character are you? What car would you be? How Southern or Northern are you? Do you really need a quiz written by a 20 something year old who's making more money than you to tell you what you already know?? If you've lived in the South, you're Southern. If you don't like that, move or get over it!!

But these quizzes and "favorite fives" are not the reason I'm leaving. The real reason is that I find myself increasingly wanting to hide certain people's posts. I'm beginning to realize that I don't really want to know how some people feel or how they act or what they love or believe. I don't want to know that a number of my relatives are hell bent on making sure that my partner and I are denied the same rights they have. I want to see them once a year, smile, say "hi, how are you?" and they ask me the same and we share a meal and leave it at that. It is true, we do not choose our relatives, but we can choose how much or how well we know them.

The truth is, as I grow older, I seek the comfort of familiarity in relationships. I don't want them to be hard work and I don't want them to stir me on a visceral level. I don't want to dislike people I have always loved, but I have also loved them, in part, because I only knew a small part of them. Facebook has changed all of that. Now I know too much. And it can't be undone.

But maybe, if I leave this massive time waster I can eventually return to a state of blissful ignorance about some relatives. After all, will my life be any poorer because I don't know if one of them would be a Lexus or a Chevy Blazer?

The Lenten Experiment

My friends started an interesting experiment, dubbed "The Lenten Experiment" (you can follow LaVonn'es entries about it at Lively Dust blog). The general point is to try to live at poverty (ie food stamp) level for the 40 days of Lent. In Illinois, that comes to about $77/ week for a family of two adults.

My partner and I have been participating, and I have been largely in charge of buying the food we will eat, while trying to make the healthiest, most frugal choices possible. Last week we started out ahead, by getting a week's worth of groceries for $45. This week, I decided I wanted to buy a few healthy, organic items at Whole Foods. If I could've found these items (spelt bread and spelt pasta) at any other store, I would've bought them elsewhere. I bought one pound of spelt pasta, a 24 oz. loaf of spelt bread and a pound of fresh peanut butter. The total cost for these three items? "$15.00!!

Realizing that I had spent about 20% of our weekly allottment, I detoured over to Aldi to stop the bleeding. For $45, I bought several bags of food, including meat, fish, fresh vegetables, dried fruit, oatmeal and ice cream treats. Yes, I had to bag it myself, but that was a small price to pay for more food and reasonable prices.

When I was checking out at Whole Foods, I noticed a middle eastern man in front of me buying 2 gallons of organic milk for $5.99 a piece. I had to laugh when I spotted him 15 minutes later in the same aisle with me at Aldi. Maybe that's the winning strategy: buy a few healthier items at Whole Foods and the like, and supplement with Aldi staples for the rest. There is a way to do this and not spend a fortune. But we also have the choice to go one place or another, or spend a little more if we need to. Many don't. And while we're at it, who ARE these people who can afford to do all their shopping at Whole Foods??